Thursday, December 4, 2008
Competitive mothers and the children caught in the line of fire
Once again I have tried a new potty training technique, and once again, my child is not responding the way I would like him to. I feel horrible, because I feel like I'm turning him against using the potty forever. I just get so jealous when I read other people's blogs, and see that their children are having success. I understand that each child is different, and I've come to realize that my child is just likely not ready yet. It's just so frustrating! I keep thinking "He's over 3 years old, I'm about to have another baby in a few months. I don't want to be changing two sets of diapers!" But it's not healthy if the mother isn't happy or patient or the child is resisting and not being responsive. I need to be ok with that I guess. Anyway, sorry for this random post. I guess I just needed to vent for a second.
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5 comments:
Yes, It will happen! I predict very quickly once he wants to. Little stinker! ( I have heard also that boys have a harder time with potty training, but I am sure that you have heard many stories etc.) Hang in there!
Don't beat yourself up. It isn't like he will never get it, how many 10 year olds are wearing diapers? None, they all get there. And you are in good company, lots of little "potty trainers" around the world are torturing their mothers! You are a good mommy, and Will is a good kid.
A word of (probably unwelcome) warning. Even if Will does get in the potty groove, it is very common for kids to go through some regressions when something big changes in their family-- like a new baby. It may not be a problem, but if you aren't working with a deadline, mentally or physically, it will probably be less frustrating for all of you. Best of luck!
Kristin this is what I learned potty training Ezra and Grace...it is all about the attitude you have as the parent. When I trained Ezra I would get so stressed out about the whole thing that sometimes I just wanted to pull my hair out and then I would get angry. Really not a positive for either of us. With Grace I took a totally opposite approach. I put her in panties and let it be. Sure I'd put her on the pot occasionally when she would let me and I always gave her huge high fives and congrats when she went but otherwise I just took a really even keel. Each time we'd put the panties on I'd say ok these are cloth panties so we need to go on the potty but if she peed in her panties I'd just say oops, and really calmly ask her to put them in the washer and then I'd just give a new pair a panties on her. In the beginning there were days when she might need four pairs. Excepting those accidents, even daily ones is what saved my sanity though. Because I expected it I just let myself relax. It sounds like you are reaching that relaxing point. It will come, just be positive on all the little successes and calmly ride out the accidents. Motherhood is an act in sainthood, I just wish I'd realize that of my own mother when I was a kid. I would have tried to be a little less rotten :)
After 4 kids now, I will flat out say that I'd rather give birth than potty train!!! Seriously! It's the worst! I feel your pain. Both my kids (those that are potty-trained) were 3 years old or (much) older when they finally "got it"...and dare I say...one was a boy, and one was a girl...no difference for me!!! In fact, my girl was the oldest when finished! I'll email you some tips that I learned...but I won't say that they're full-proof. I've decided that with every child any strategy has to be tweeked to fit the style of that child (and all the curve balls they'll throw you!). Any way...the best suggestion I have is to take a 1-2 month break...let him wear pull-ups the whole time so he can practice when he wants to or doesn't want to. Don't say a thing...just let him do his thing (perhaps an occasional suggestion...but no requirements...). Then, after the 1-2 months are done...go at it again. Hopefully the break will be refreshing for both of you...and he'll have had lots of "practice" without it being a battle ground. Hopefully by then you'll be able to tell he knows what to do. If so, then the goal isn't to potty train (because he already knows). The goal now becomes to motivate a potty-trained child to do what they know how to do. Good luck!
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